


It doesn't change a thing

by Princecess_Nales



Category: Red White & Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys Kissing, Canon Compliant, Chapter 9, During Canon, Everyone Needs A Hug, How Do I Tag, I wrote this instead of studying, Idiots in Love, M/M, Mild Smut, My First Fanfic, Sad Henry, Smut, he'll be fine, henry does't know what to do with his feelings, henry's pov, im going to stop this tagging nonsense, im sorry, kind of, you'll be fine too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:22:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27208843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Princecess_Nales/pseuds/Princecess_Nales
Summary: "His body tastes like summer, like the salt of his sweat, like the sunscreen we put on so many hours ago almost imperceptible now, like the green green grass around us, like the summer breeze, like the heat of the sun above us, like the endless blue of the lake."A little piece of what was going on inside of Henry's mind the last day at the lake house.
Relationships: Alex Claremont-Diaz/Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor
Comments: 13
Kudos: 55





	It doesn't change a thing

**Author's Note:**

> A super mega big thank you to [ Beth ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cmere) for betaing this mess, when it was only a poor translation of my own spanish fanfiction :) Thank you so much darling,you are the best <3 And to all the RWRB server for inspiring me to write again <3 all my love goes to you and this humble fanfic too.
> 
> That's all, I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Kudos and comments are welcome!

I come up to him from behind and wrap my arms around his body. I feel him stir, my cold wet chest fresh from the lake against his back, burning from so many hours under the scorching hot Texas sun. I lower my lips to his shoulder, tracing a path of kisses up his neck. His body tastes like summer, like the salt of his sweat, like the sunscreen we put on so many hours ago almost imperceptible now, like the green green grass around us, like the summer breeze, like the heat of the sun above us, like the endless blue of the lake. It tastes like happiness, like every good thing in the world gathered together on this single spot, right behind his ear. I open up my mouth and let out a breath and start nipping at his earlobe. I feel him shiver again, this time his body drawing near to mine.  
He turns around and looks me in the eye, and I lose myself in the immensity and warmth of his. They are full of happiness and something I don't want to mistake for love, but that looks awfully similar. I close my eyes before it sets me on fire, before the tears or the words spill out, and I connect our lips in a hungry kiss, because I'm terrified to kiss him tenderly. I love him so much that I'm afraid I'll go mad just from having him by my side. But when he looks at me like that, like he was a moment ago, I know I already lost my mind, and the only thing that stops me from jumping from the cliff is the fear of falling.

When we break apart his gaze looks different; there’s some kind of determination in it, like when he’s decided to win an argument, or when he talks about something he's passionate about. And I could try to avoid it but I don’t have the strength. My body is heavy from the food and the mimosas from lunch and my mind is droopy, filling with images of this. Of the _impossible_ possibility of being here indefinitely, loving him and letting myself be loved like this for the first time in my life.

I fall into his eyes and I know he can see it in mine, I trace my hand from his cheekbone to his temple and wipe up a drop of sweat, taking it into his hair. I thread my fingers there and I feel each of my fingertips connecting with something deeper— something _intrinsic_ in him, or maybe in me. My other hand is tightly gripping his shoulder; I don't even know if it's to stop him from leaving or to prevent him from coming closer. His hands come around my waist and I feel them climb up my back until they reach the nape of my neck, his fingers buried there seem to find the same answers I found with mine. His mouth spreads into the most beautifully devastating smile, and I swear that, for a second, my heart stops. The whole fucking universe stops and lies at his feet on the searing hot sand.

I envy the universe for having such an astounding view, his glistening body naked save for his still wet swim trunks clinging to what's underneath, leaving little to the imagination. I feel tempted to drop to my knees, and to also admire him from below. And when that sight becomes so _unbearable_ that I must look away, I’d close my eyes and lean my cheek against his groin and rub it there until I can feel him stir. Take him into my mouth in an agonizingly slow rhythm until he’s forced to grab my hair and hold me where he wants me. And when I'm savoring his come in my mouth and feeling it slide against my throat, only then I’d look up; when I know he isn’t looking, his head thrown back, too absorbed in the pleasure of his orgasm. Only then I’d look at him again, from this safe distance, and allow myself to tell him with that look how much I love him. And before he has a chance to find my eyes with his I'd get up and kiss him, letting him taste himself in my mouth.

I hear Nora’s voice calling us from the stairs up to the house, Oscar’s guitar and June’s laughter in the distance, and suddenly I'm back in front of Alex, of his loving eyes and his warm wide smile. He takes my hand and pulls, trying to take me upstairs with him, I let it go and he looks at me, worried. I tell him to go ahead, that I need to have a last dive in the lake and I’ll be right there. He shrugs and climbs up the stairs, two steps at a time, always impatient.

Once he’s far enough, I turn back and go into the lake, splashing water on my face and letting it take these foolish thoughts out of my head. Alex doesn’t love me; _how could he?_ And even if he did, it wouldn't change a thing. I have a duty to fulfill, a life to live, and though it breaks my heart, it wouldn't do me any good to forget it.

*****

At night I kiss Alexander’s head for the last time, tears fill my eyes as I sneak out of the bedroom. I write a note on a piece of paper and leave it in the kitchen. I can’t believe I’m saying goodbye like this, after everything, but anything else would be too much, _too painful_. The trees flank both sides of the driveway as I leave the lake house behind, with my heart still in it. I leave a piece of it on the pier where I was only a few hours before; another one on the now cold sand; another one on the porch bench, where yesterday we listened to June sing; another one on the kitchen counter next to my note. The biggest piece I leave with _him_ , tangled in his arms, sleeping by his side on the top bunk in our room, where it belongs. Where I wish _I_ belonged _too_. The green meadows, now turned blue, pass by outside my window as I start repeating, like a mantra inside my head, _“he loves me, he loves me, he loves me, he loves me”_ until I can't understand the words or their meaning anymore. And at last, I dry my tears and tell myself just once, with a sense of determination that matches his, _“It doesn't change a thing”_ .

**Author's Note:**

> Plesae please pleaaaase don't hate me, thank you for reading <3  
> Here you have the end of chapter 10 so you can be happy again :)
> 
> “Listen,” he says, pulling a curled fist out of his pocket. He takes one  
> of Alex’s hands and turns it to press something small and heavy into his  
> palm. “I want you to know, I’m sure. A thousand percent.”  
> He removes his hand and there, sitting in the center of Alex’s callused  
> palm, is the signet ring.  
> “What?” Alex’s eyes flash up to search Henry’s face and find him  
> smiling softly. “I can’t—”  
> “Keep it,” Henry tells him. “I’m sick of wearing it.”  
> It’s a private airstrip, but it’s still risky, so he folds Henry in a hug and  
> whispers fiercely, “I completely fucking love you.”  
> At cruising altitude, he takes the chain off his neck and slides the ring  
> on next to the old house key. They clink together gently as he tucks them  
> both under his shirt, two homes side by side.


End file.
